has been super busy having lots of fun! Have I mentioned we love summer? Well, we do. :)
Friday we went to DBU to have lunch with aunt Ashley. Tristan insisted on walking around afterwards and looking at all the fountains and ponds!
He has lived in the swimming pool and become quite the little fishy!
Tristan is getting so good at using his peddles and riding his "motorcycle". My little baby is slowly slipping into a preschooler.
But perhaps the biggest, big boy thing he has done lately is go to the dentist! Last time he went he sat in my lap and I held him down. But on Monday he marched right in sat in the chair and got his exam! They were so sweet with him and even brushed his car's teeth. Ha! He loved that. :)
Tristan has also enjoyed spending lots of time with his best friends, LD, Grayson and their sister, Sadie. Trish and I were brave and took them all to Pasados, they did great!
Of course after enjoying a yummy lunch they got to get the free ice cream! They put on quite a show for a little older couple that were getting ice cream as well. They thought the boys were so funny!
My little man has been an ultra love bug. He climbed up in my lap the other day and put his little arms around me while we rocked. We had, had a longgg day and he was so tired!
Later that night we had family come in town from Corpus and cooked out steaks, hot dogs, and enjoyed lots of laughter and yummy food. So much fun!
One of T's new favorite things is playing in room. Yesterday he and my mom spent quite a while building legos, playing cars and trains Such a little boy!
We have lots of fun things in store for this week and weekend like going to see Cars 2, lunch with friends, fourth of July carnival and more!
"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning" Psalms 30:5
Oh how true this verse has been for me the past week and a half. I know I said in the past post that I wouldn't mention what happened again but I just can't keep silent of the amazing work the Lord has done in me. God has me on "super-speed healing mode". Praise Him for that! The beginning of last week was rough, my family and friends can attest to that...but with each morning I woke with a little bit more strength, understanding, joy and peace. I am so Grateful for this experience. Even though it was very painful it drew me the nearest to the Lord that I have ever been. I know God has a plan. I know that what happened was God's protection. I know that I have SO many things to look forward to! Several people have asked what is next. Well, I am enrolling full time in my graduate studies for the fall. I hope to graduate with my Master's degree in 2013. I am looking for a part-time job that will allow me to have plenty of time with Tristan and for school. Tristan will resume preschool in August and life goes on...! :)
It was really important for me to just get away the past 2 weeks. I disabled my facebook account and didn't update the blog except for the healing post. I truly got to rest in the goodness of the Lord and lay my head on His chest, hear his heart beat and take peace in that fact that HE is God. He was not surprised by my change in circumstances, His plan for me and Tristan is the same today that it was this time last year. I spent a ton of time last week with my family and this week with my friends. I feel like a whole new person, ready to continue in my life with the promises that the Lord has given me.
Here is a glimpse of what we've been up to....
Mimi and Poppy took over the first couple of days and allowed me to grieve, settle into a new grove and figure things out. They took Tristan to ride the train by the Fort Worth Zoo and out to lunch one day!
He was wiped out by the end of it all. We are so fortunate to have them in our lives!
Tristan brought a smile to my face on days when all I wanted to do was cry...I did plenty of that too but not for long. This was a great, teachable moment for Tristan. He would ask me "Mommy, are you sad?" At first I would tell him no and fake smile, then the Lord impressed upon me to be honest. So I began to tell Tristan "Mommy is sad, but she will be okay. Sometimes big girls and big boys cry too and that is okay. Jesus will make them happy again." He was completely content with that answer. One day he told me "Mommy, don't cry, be a big girl." That definitely made me laugh! :)
We spent so much time outside. There is something about nature (which I am usually not a fan of at all) that is extremely healing. I would wake up first thing in the morning and go in our backyard while Tristan was still sleeping. There was a breeze, birds chirping, and an amazing presence of the Lord. I would spend time reading my Bible and praying. When Tristan woke up we would go for a morning walk and play until we couldn't take the heat anymore!
We ran errands and Tristan rode rides and got extra spoiled. This has been an adjustment for him too.
We went to the library...
And had a girls day + Tristan with my sisters at the mall. That was the day that I really felt like myself again. We had such a fun day. Love my sisters and son!!
Tristan on yet another ride...he did A LOT of this the past 2 weeks!
Tristan discovered that he loves his sunglasses and wanted to wear them at all times...even into the church nursery. Ha!
We had lots of play dates. Here is Tristan with his friends Kathan and Camille! We had gone to get
sno cones!
We survived the unbearable heat! My car thermometer read 105 one day!!
Every night I went for a walk at the walk park in our neighborhood. It's a little over a mile long. Some nights I would take Tristan and push him in the stroller, some nights I would go with a friend or my mom and talk, some nights I would go all by myself and listen to worship songs on my IPOD. Those were the most healing nights...I can't even articulate what I felt and heard from God.
One night there was a storm coming in, it was beginning to drizzle and lightening, it was beautiful. This particular night I just soaked in this sunset. Moments like this I saw how big my God is and I knew that he was holding my little heart in his Mighty hands.
We played in Tristan's room and did some major organization which confirmed, he needs no new toys for his birthday. Ha!
I got to hold this sweet baby girl, Addie. Her big sis, Grace is one of Tristan's best friends. I rocked her to sleep one day while her mom packed. I could just eat her up!!
We went with Trish and her kids to ride the train again ( I think Tristan rode it 3 times in two weeks!) Afterwards we went to lunch at Chili's!
That night we went to church and Trish and I sat in on the most amazing class, Victimization to Victory. It was so freeing and healing to be there. Victimization comes in many forms...being lied to, abandoned, raped, robbed etc. The thing is that during that time Satan comes in and tries to lie to you that whatever happened was your fault, or has ruined your life and nothing will ever get better. So NOT true!! Your past doesn't have to dictate your future, mine certainly won't. I am Victorious because of Jesus Christ!
After church we let the kids play in our Church's amazing kids place. See what I mean about the rides?! Tristan has been on so many lately and he loves them! So do I, especially since the ones at church are free. :)
You can see the hallways of our children's building...doesn't that look like the funnest place to be and learn about Jesus in?! It is!
I have to wrap this post up with a goofy picture of Tristan. He loves wearing Mimi's reading glasses, it was hysterical. He kind of looks like a mini Erkle!
Thank you again for all of your prayers and sweet words of encouragement, they have meant so much to me during this time. We are back in action, hearts healed and ready to go. Nothing is impossible for the Lord. If He is for us, who can be against us? No one.
"No weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me,” declares the LORD. Isaiah 54:17
I am sure that most of you know by now that I experienced great pain this past week. I was betrayed by someone that I let back into my life. I will not go into details on the circumstances because my desire is not to dwell on the injustice done, rather to focus on what IS to come.
Our hearts can be fragile things. I have said many times this week that I have two hearts; the one inside my body, pumping blood and keeping me alive. And, one outside my body, it stands 3 feet and 3 inches tall, has big brown eyes, sweet chocolate skin, and answers to the name, Tristan. You can hurt the heart inside my body, and even though the pain may radiate throughout me causing me to go numb at times, I can take it. If you hurt the heart walking outside of my body…well that is just an entirely different story.
This post is one I will probably never reference again; one that I am writing because I know that those of you who have access to my blog care and have been praying for me the past few days. I seek no pity in writing this, and despite the immense pain my heart has felt, I want to say that my God is still the same. He never changes, even when my life circumstances do. He was not caught off guard by what happened to me, and He still deserves praise, honor and glory.
Can I be honest and vulnerable with you? Monday was one of the worst days of my life. I learned of information that made my body drop to the ground in pain and utter shock. Tears flowed from my eyes and one million questions circulated throughout my mind. I’m embarrassed. Embarrassed that I thought things were, what they really were not. Embarrassed that I had rejoiced in a new season in my life that turned out to be one way too familiar to the one I was in during my pregnancy. Embarrassed that some of you may look at me and think “Is she really that surprised?” But, you know what that is? It is more than embarrassment; it is pride, condemnation, shame, and guilt…none of those things come from the Lord. Those are from Satan, and they have no place in my life.
Each day since this horrible news I have experienced anxiety, a broken heart, and overwhelming feelings that I thought I would never have to feel again. Unfortunately, we are not guaranteed to only one heartbreak a life time, some of us may face many; it is what we do in the midst of those times that either prolongs, or hurries the healing that God is so willing and ready to offer us. Within the first few hours of the events that took place I had made the conscious decision to confess over myself and my son that this was not the end of life, rather just the beginning. I have amerced myself in prayer, worship, reading my Bible, and an amazing book that I recommend to anyone (whether or not you’re dealing with pain) called “The Bait of Satan”. The Lord has made it so clear to me these past few days that Satan is lurking around like a wolf, waiting to destroy anything and everything in his path. I have had to equip my mind and heart with the full knowledge that what I am experiencing is so much more than heartbreak, it is spiritual warfare. A fight between heaven and hell, good and bad, angels and demons. Thankfully I know that with God on my side, I will always win, however, I must arm myself with the proper ammunition to conquer this battle.
I know most of my blog entries are tons of pictures of Tristan, funny stories, or daily events taking place in our lives. Well, this post is one that may leave some of you uncomfortable, or perhaps examining things in your own lives. My heart in writing this is only one thing. To show you that in ALL times, good and bad, Jesus Christ is there and willing to walk through life, holding your hand and guiding you along the path, if you let him. My life is not over, I am not damaged and broken or any other negative label the world or Satan would try to place on me. In Christ, I am made new and my mistakes, hurts, failures, and shortcomings are all insignificant and no more because I am a daughter of the King.
Healing is a process. It does not happen overnight, mine certainly has not. Each day when I wake up I realize that the pain was not just a bad dream, it is reality. However with each day I have found that the pain lessens, not because time heals it…that is so far from the truth. If we allow pain to fester in us, we can carry it for years. Time is not the healer, Jesus is. He gives us time to grieve and process what we are experiencing, but it is what we do with our pain in that time that gives us healing or leaves us in spiritual and emotional bondage.
I was watching Joyce Meyers, an amazing woman of the Lord on television last night. She was speaking on the topic of healing. From the age of 4 to 13 years old she was molested by her father. From 13 to 18 years old she was raped by him over 200 hundred times. She married a man who cheated on her, and left her pregnant to be with a woman who lived 2 blocks away from her. She also endured cancer. The enemy was clearly out to destroy her, and from an early age. I think he knew just how powerful and instrumental she could be in the Kingdom of God. Now she is preaching to millions of people who are hurting and feel like they cannot go one.more.day.
Joyce beautifully illustrated the process of healing. It is like painting a room; there are many steps. First you clear out all the furniture and take all the pictures off the walls (remove the junk in your life, sometimes that people, addictions, thoughts etc.), then you cover the carpet with plastic, and line the windows with blue tape (surround yourself with godly friends and family members who can walk alongside you and stand as a covering to shield you from pain or further attack from Satan), then you prime the walls (position yourself to a place where you can see and hear the Lord), and begin to paint (allow God to do His work), you let the pain dry (soak in the promises of the Lord), and paint one more cover coat (accept, and declare those promises over your life). Once the paint has dried, you uncover the floor and windows and put the furniture and pictures back in the room (God puts everything that was taken from you, back exactly where it went before the betrayal and in perfect condition…he may even throw some of the old stuff out and replace it with brand new “items” or blessings).
The Lord is waiting to bless us, and to bring us healing, whatever the hurt may be. Maybe you are constantly in a state of fear that your children will be hurt, your husband will lose his job, or people will see that you do not have it all together. Perhaps you are insecure about the way you look, the house you live in, or the job you work at. Maybe you’re like me and you trusted someone who turned around and hurt you, deeply. Regardless, it is not the will of God for you to soak in that pain, for it to take control of your life and rob you of happiness. Whatever pain we are in there are still things we have to be thankful for. Despite my aching heart, I am thankful that I have a healthy child who has brought a smile to my face when nothing else could this week. I am thankful for a mom who has held me while I cried, spent every moment with me because I haven’t been able to be alone, and has prayed over me day and night. I am thankful for friends who have texted me, called me, come by to see me, listened to me, and just cried with me. Most of all, I am thankful for a Savior who hears my cries, holds my heart, and draws me nearer to Him through my pain.
If you are in need of healing there are key things to acknowledge; YOU have to decide you want healing, no one else can take that burden for you. Realize that you are not the only one in the world hurting. It is okay to be in pain but to fixate on it and to have self-pity is idolatry which will only leave you devastated. Lastly, understand that no one can take the pain from you except God, and even He will allow you to experience measures of it in order to deepen your faith, teach you, and draw you nearer to him.
There are a lot of things we don’t understand, but GOD IS GOOD. I don’t understand how this could’ve happen to me again, how people can be so selfish, and hurtful. I don’t understand why there are children in other parts of the world starving, while some children in America suffer with obesity because of over indulgence. I don’t understand why people murder, rape, steal, or lie…but they do. What I do understand is that I find my strength and peace in Christ, not my circumstances. This is another part of my testimony and although I may have not wanted to add this chapter, it is here and with it I promise to proclaim that I serve a faithful God who right at this very moment is turning what Satan intended to destroy me with, into something mighty, powerful, and wonderful. “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good.” – Genesis 50:19-20
I opened my blog to all readers, only for this post because I want as many people to read this and see the goodness of God. However, I will soon re-secure it to private readers only, so please leave a comment with your email address if you would like to be sent an invitation to follow it. I will be disabling my facebook and taking a break from blogging for a while so I can continue to focus on finding healing and a new normal for Tristan and I. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for your prayers, concerns, and words of love and encouragement. Although my heart is hurting, I have the best “doctor” in the world operating on it and making me whole again. Many of you have asked what you can do for me…all I ask is that you listen to this song. It so accurately says what my heart is singing at this time.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.” –Psalm 147: 3-5
It has become apparent that I must protect my precious family, I've debated back and forth whether or not I wanted to put the blog to private or just delete it. But because this is more of a family photo album/memory book for us, I don't want to delete it. There are tons of pictures of our kids, family members, friends, friend's kids and personal information that I want to share with those who know us and are for us. If you are a reader of this blog through another blog, or we were friends in high school/college, don't feel weird asking to be a reader. I just want to make sure I know who exactly has access to our lives. Comment here and leave your email if you would like to be added to the blog list of approved readers and how we know each other.
I feel like I was literally JUST brainstorming for Tristan's 2nd birthday party, I can't believe his 3rd birthday is quickly approaching! It is so fun now that Tristan is older because I can ask him what he wants for a theme. This year he picked....MICKEY MOUSE!!!
My mom will be making the cake and here is what I'm thinking for what I want...
or....
Of course we have to have a birthday shirt which you can find tons on Estsy.com (one of my favorite places!!)
or....
The party will be at Glenview Baptist Church's amazing indoor tree house/play scape. I reserved it last year before his 2nd birthday party (crazy!!) I know T and all of his friends will absolutely love it.
This year I am putting out the notice on here and on the invites (way in advance since last year it was late notice) that instead of gifts for Tristan we are asking for donations to a wonderful Christian organization that feeds starving children in Africa. I've really prayed about this. We are SO blessed and we want Tristan to understand that even on a day that is suppose to be all about him, he can give God the glory and make it about something much bigger than himself. So, I am asking for all of his guest to write a card explaining to Tristan the gift they are giving, and including whatever they would've spent on him in the card so I can make one lump sum donation in his name. I hope one day he can look back on those cards and be blessed.
His party is on a Saturday, but his actual birthday is on a Sunday. On his birthday we will all go as a family (grandparents, aunts, cousins included) to Chuck E Cheese and we as a family will give him gifts. I just can't imagine packing up a car load of toys (like the 2 years prior) from 15 plus kids and taking them home with his other massive amounts.
If you have any fun Mickey Mouse ideas, hints, or tips...let me know! Let the party planning begin! :)
